I Feel Like My Creativity is Dying

I have been going through a serious bout of depression these past few days. In fact as I write this post I’m in the middle of a really bad valley. In these bouts of depression I tend to get very self-reflective, and I have come to a conclusion: my creativity is dying. 

This terrifies me. 

Being creative has been such a big part of my life. It’s why I started with creative writing, and it’s why I always loved pretend, and why I loved acting. Movie trailers would inspire me, the cool characters in video games would make my mind tick, and stories would just stir up my imagination like a hurricane. 

None of that happens anymore. 

I feel dried out. And this might be the depression speaking, but I feel like I just do not have the capacity for creativity anymore. And it’s not that I’m bogged down by school or anything. For me school is a breeze. 

I believe my problem is that it got to a point where I expected my creativity to be better than it was, and in the letdown that followed, I scrapped the idea to come up with another one. But the cycle simply repeated itself, and since then I’ve lost count of the number of ideas I’ve given up on. 

Now I don’t even try to do these ideas anymore. I just sit around and think about them for a while, and think about the crushing reality of how difficult they would be to implement and how likely they would be to fail, and I give up. 

I give up before I’ve started. 

And I think that is the problem. Reality. It used to be in my mind that I could accomplish anything I wanted, and if I wasn’t able to accomplish it then, I would be later when I knew how. But that’s not how I think anymore. These days I’m always calculating time and resources. Percentages of success. Ratios of my current skill set to the one I’d need. And then I conclude that it is too much, and I quit. 

That is my problem. 

Now I need to go do something to take my mind off of this or I’ll be up all night thinking about it. 

Tours Yruly

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5 thoughts on “I Feel Like My Creativity is Dying

  1. A fresh breeze of air. Catch your spirit back by being somewhere else than usually.
    Sorry, just a quick thought that came by and I wanted to share it with you.

    Like

  2. So I had an entire comment on my head when I first read this. I went to the Bible app and then got distracted. So, I’m sorry this is later than I intended.

    First of all, hi! It’s good to hear from you. You’re very honest about your situations and feeling and that’s always amazing to me. I have a few reflections on your reflections. I hope this maybe encourages you.

    1. You(and all of us) are a work in progress. “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
    ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬. God is not finished with you yet! He’s still challenging, growing, and shaping you. It may be hard to understand reasons behind challenging seasons of life, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason. “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”
    ‭‭James‬ ‭1:12-15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    2. Your creativity and ability to create does not define you as a person. Your identity is defined by you being a child of God. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”
    ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭15:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬
    “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.”
    ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:1-2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    3. Stay strong. Lean fully on the might and power of Jesus Christ. We are utterly helpless (not something we like to think about) on our own.
    “You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus,”
    ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    Kendra

    Liked by 1 person

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