So, your most inconsistent blogger ever is back. I don’t know how long it’s been since I last posted anything, and I don’t really want to check because then I might get even more depressed. But this post is here for a couple of things. First I’m going to tell you why I was gone. Then I’m going to tell you what I’ll do about it. And finally I’ll talk about what happened to Cheridith Chronicles.
Anyway, the truth of why I’ve been away so long is that I have been very, very depressed. I won’t go into all the details as to why, but suffice to say, a lot happened over the summer, and not all of it was good, so that when I came to tackle my obscene course load this school year, I did subpar. This sent me further down the spiral of depression, to the point where I no longer really felt like writing, so that when I did, the stuff I produced was garbage, and I hated it.
In fact, that has been the main reason that has prevented me from posting my writing. I’ve just been really hating my writing. I went down a path of extreme self-criticism, and my writing took a huge blow as a result. I basically lost all confidence in it, and I’ll admit I’m still feeling pretty shaky. Because of the intense glaring eye that I pointed at my work, present and past, I started to even dread the thought of writing, let alone posting on this blog.
But I’m back. Why?
Because I’ve decided not to care anymore.
I’m not going to worry about whether I think you guys will hate what I write. I’m just going to do my best and write, like I’ve always done, throw on a below-perfect layer of editing, and post it. I think that’s what made this blogging experience so rewarding for me. The freedom that came with just being able to pen my thoughts out on paper and put them up there for you guys to read was nonpareil, and I’d like that again. So that’s what I’m going to do. Good, bad, beautiful, ugly, it’s all coming up here, and you guys can do whatever you want with it.
As for following all the blogs I used to follow, I simply don’t have the physical capacity or energy that I used to have. School has really drained me, and what with the depression I’ve been struggling with, it’s awfully hard for me to sit here and just let loose. It’s so very tempting to let the ever-present thought of school creep back in and ruin how I feel. So I’ll try to read around and comment and like, but no promises. And I know it sounds like I just threw a whole bunch of excuses in your face, and maybe I did. Sorry.
As for what happened to Cheridith Chronicles, a couple of things happened to it. Number one, I decided that I didn’t have time for the original idea. Then I didn’t have the confidence to turn it into an actual novel. So then I turned it into a super-secret movie script that I only just recently shared with my girlfriend. I’m at the point in the scriptwriting that I can’t really turn it back into a novel, but if you guys are interested in reading it, I could try posting the script up here as I progress on it.
I also want to try to revive and finish the two novels that I sort of had going in the background but never completed: Storyteller and Right Behind You, but we’ll see how that turns out. That’s all there really is from me guys. I might post something after this, just to push this depressing post further down in my feed, but we’ll see.
I guess here’s where I say I’m back?
P.s. I also cannot stand how WordPress brought back the default uncategorized category. Grrr….