Guys and Girls – Sixth Journal Entry

Eh, it's a couple, but it works. After all, this is a debate between Venus and Mars XP

Eh, it’s a couple, but it works. After all, this is a debate between Venus and Mars XP

So hey, this is early, but I saw a post that really sparked me to write out my thoughts on this subject. You can find the post, “I Am Not An Object”, here on Wonderland, a great blog which you guys should check out. And since I’m not supposed to have an intro blurb for a journal, y’know what? I’m changing it. This isn’t an intro blurb. This is part of the journal. There we go. XP Anyway, not to steal the wind from my inspiration’s sails, I will not go in depth on what her post was on. Suffice to say, it was about how girls are told in this culture that it is somehow their fault for the attention they receive by the way they dress. However, it’s a lot more complicated than that. Being a “people person” (as in I stand to the side at large events and creepily observe people XP) I believe I have observed four types of girls and four types of guys. I will classify three from each.

To avoid a war about whether or not I consider guys to be superior to girls, I will begin with the girls, and then follow with the guys. (Someone has to be first, people) XP Also, just– please don’t fight in the comments. Anyway, to start. There are three kinds of girls. The conservative girl, the flaunter, and the in-between girl. (There’s also the miscellaneous who doesn’t fit in any of the three, and which most people will put themselves in because one or two things in my categorization don’t match. Just– you’re miscellaneous if everything I say doesn’t match, or if you fit the requirements exactly for two of the three.)

Before I continue (because journals have absolutely no organization), this post is talking about the situation in which the guys are the perverted observers and the girls are the innocent bystanders. That’s one cliché view of it anyway. The other extreme side is that the girls are the malicious flaunters and the guys are the naïve simpletons who get their heads turned. Either way, these are stupid, but I’ll work with them. =P

So, the conservative girl. What is she like? She always dresses very modestly. This means nothing, and absolutely nothing goes above the knee, and very, very little to absolutely no cleavage is shown. The back is considered off-limits, and the shoulders may be too. Definitely no crop tops or sheer clothing. Conservative girls pay very close attention to their clothing to make sure nothing underneath is showing. They might even be stringent on the designs of the clothing they are wearing, as well as makeup and jewelry. The most extreme case of course would be the typical Islamic woman, wrapped from head to foot.

That is the conservative girl. To juxtapose her we have what I call the flaunter. She is the opposite end of the spectrum, and always wears a bikini to any pool convention or beach party. Usually good-looking with a fit body (though, sadly, not necessarily (please people, I really don’t advocate the wearing of a bikini, but if you are adamant, then please, please, make sure you look good in it)), the flaunter enjoys the attention, though she may not admit to it. In fact, she might flat out deny that she is doing it for the attention. It is also very possible that no attention is desired, but usually that is the case. This is the kind of girl you see stalking around in six inch heels, short shorts, a cropped top, maybe with a belly button piercing, and lavish makeup. Here you get see-through tops, or no tops at all. Miniskirts are commonplace, as are the plunging necklines. Just think of (sadly) your now typical American girl.

The in-between girls are usually the most vocal and active of the three. These are the ones that resent accusations of dressing inappropriately since it is somehow “their job” to “prevent guys from looking at them.” These girls tend to the more conservative side, avoiding the extreme things of the flaunter while showing more skin than the conservative girl. Many girls are like this, in-between the extreme of non-conservatism and conservatism. They usually are disgusted by the flaunter and look down on the conservative girl to some degree. Look down on might not be the best term, but you get what I mean. Here you get all the middling clothes. Shirts with a lower neckline, showing some of the chest. Tank tops are popular, and you might even see short shorts. Makeup is usually applied in lesser amounts and many here are conscientious, like their conservative counterparts, of their underwear. A good image of this would be your average church-going Christian girl. (I use Christian just because that is what I am most familiar with).

Now, to go over the guys. Since we are focusing on what the girls are showing and the guys are seeing, I will not mention guys’ wardrobe. Instead, I will go over the three kinds of “lookers”. Yes, I realize the second definition of lookers in the New Oxford American dictionary defines looker as the person being looked at, but the first definition is the person looking, so we will go with that. Anyway, like the three kinds of girls, you have three kinds of guys. The shy/conservative looker (that word is too close to hooker, just saying), the blatant looker, and the in-between looker. (Why oh why couldn’t I just use guy instead of looker? XP)

As we did with the girls, we will start with the shy/conservative looker guy. This guy rarely looks at girls at all. When he does, it is the face and nothing else. This is a guy either with a lot of self control or is just not interested in women. Other times this might be a guy who just does not deign to look at girls, which in that case he is stuck up and self-centered. Annoying to the extreme no? Other times, this is a very conscientious guy who knows how easily he is tempted and thus is doing his best to maintain clean, pure, and holy thoughts. (Flaunters really don’t help with this endeavor, just saying… but more on that later)

Now, of course, we move to the blatant looker, since we look at the two extremes before looking at what is in-between, as that which is in-between is usually more complicated than the two extremes. In this case, this extreme has two extremes. The jerk and the womanizer. Then again, those aren’t so far apart from each other are they? Anyway. The blatant looker doesn’t care if anyone knows he is looking. There is usually a sense of entitlement with which he will “check out girls”. This is usually the largest category to which the blame falls for sexualizing girls and treating them as objects. The jerk is the unpopular guy, the gross guy who everyone hates, but still has the audacity to eye every girl’s chest and bottom. On the other hand, the womanizer is all-popular with the girls, never anyplace without a few girls hanging around him. Usually he has the pick of the flock, and looks all he wants since his gaze is considered a compliment.

And now we get the in-between hooker looker. Told you! Told you guys it would happen. XP Anyway, this guy is in-between the blatant and the shy/conservative guys. Similar to the in-between girl, this guy can usually be thought of as your average church-going Christian guy. He usually tries to do the right thing, by not sexualizing women, but he has too little self-control and cannot help himself from stealing the occasional glimpse. Usually not wanting to be caught, this group of guys can become brazen when accused, and is usually the main group for accusing girls’ way of dressing being their downfall. Usually suffering from low esteem themselves (since they aren’t normally womanizers), these guys hide that by accusing other people, to divert blame. These guys usually get shied away from by the conservative members of the opposite sex, ignored or the very opposite by the in-between girls, and taken in by the flaunters.

Alright, so what is the conflict here? I will refer to the post on Wonderland for this. The main problem is coming from the in-between lookers (possibly having fallen from the shy/conservative lookers, blaming the flaunters for their failings, and in the process grouping up the in-between girls with them. The in-between girls then defend themselves, (flaunters too of course, but it’s usually the in-between girls you hear), and the guys bite back. Anyway, it’s a stupid conflict over nothing. Guys need to learn to deal with their problems of eyes, heart, and mind, ’cause wherever they go there’s going to be a half-naked (or maybe fully naked) woman they’re going to have to not look at. However, I would like to address a few things to girls too.

Some guys really do have struggles. Once being a pornography addict myself, I know it is very difficult to control oneself. So sometimes it might be nice to cut the guys a little slack. Of course, I’m not defending them, because even if it’s hard, they still should control themselves. And of course, it’s not the easiest thing to keep your cool when you’re being blamed for the faults of your more lascivious counterparts, but patience is not necessarily a bad thing. Also, to those considering showing more skin, maybe wearing a bikini, or something of the like, here’s a tip. The more you show, and the more often you show it, the less it is worth. Sure, wearing a bikini might get you attention, but that is because guys are predators, and they go for the easiest prey. If you’re already half-naked, it’s less difficult to make you fully so. Don’t shortchange yourself by selling out to the lowest bidders.

As for the girls that wear the clothes they do for confidence in their bodies and in themselves, sure, go ahead. Just make sure you keep the value of your body. Modesty is priceless, and once it is lost it’s not going to come back. Once you wear that bikini you have given up some of your value that is never going to come back. That top with the lower neckline that shows the tops of your breasts to everyone might make you feel more confident about your breasts, but it also detracts from their value to your future partner (if you get one). Short shorts are a huge fad now, but let me assure you, the more of those legs you cover up, the greater value they will have for your partner when you uncover them for him.

Anyway, that’s it. That’s my thoughts. Feel free to say what you wanna say in the comments below. And yes, this was a really long journal entry, but I had a lot to say. If you read the entire thing, congrats. But I’m out.

Tours yruly

Also, I meant to add this earlier, but if you happen to be curious which “looker” I am, I’m actually in the miscellaneous category that is the fourth category for both guys and girls. This miscellaneous category I’m in is because I do look at girls. In fact, I look at them quite blatantly, but let me expand the scope further. I actually look at guys too. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m a “people person”. I watch people interact, I watch them live, and I pick up on things like the eighteen hundred word essay I just shoved in your face. XP

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16 thoughts on “Guys and Girls – Sixth Journal Entry

  1. Thank you for your fair treatment of both guys and girls. I’ve heard this view before, but very seldom; as you mentioned, it’s turned into a war of spitting fire between the genders.
    While I understand that the world is a brutal place for the conservative and in-between guys, it’s also that way for the conservative and in-between girls. We understand the war and we try to help our brothers, but it is very VERY difficult. The clothing industry, the media, and the condemnation of the conservatives who point their fingers at all women, all that really beats us down until we throw up our hands and say “what does it matter anyway?”
    It’s good to be reminded that it still matters, and that some guys actually do appreciate the effort and understand both sides. Now, if only girls could all rally to the same side, we’d make progress and disappoint those ‘gross’ blatant l(h)ookers XD
    Again, thanks for expounding, and thanks for giving the alternative to ‘dressing confidently’. I find it’s easiest to be confident when you’re not showcasing naked limbs and the like XP
    Anna B.

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    • You’re welcome. 🙂
      Mhm. I understand how bad it is for the girls. I am not unaware of the direction the fashion and clothing industry has taken with respect to feminine clothing, and personally I don’t like it. I’m glad that this was an encouraging post reminding you that modesty does matter, because it really does, and there are people out there who care about it.
      Yeah, you girls just need to get all those flaunters to become in-betweens/conservatives. XP Though I guess if all the flaunters became in-betweens or conservatives, then it wouldn’t technically be in-betweens anymore would it?

      ~Michael Hollingworth
      Disce Ferenda Pati – Learn to endure what must be borne

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      • Oh, and I should also mention (just so I don’t seem unsympathetic) I really do feel sorry for guys, and I always have. Not to offend any females out there, but sometimes they can be airheads. They don’t realize what they’re doing to themselves and their brothers when they wear scraps of clothes for shirts and underpants for shorts. It kills me, cuz then I get categorized under the same group as these females, and I am made to feel guilty for what THEY do to men. -_- it’s a messed up world, and I should stop before I write an essay too XD
        Anna B.
        ps. I am an in-betweener, i think. jsyk

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        • Mhm. I know. That’s what I was saying. In-betweeners get weighed with the fault of the flaunters, and so the in-betweeners bite back and it gets to be a whole war. XP

          ~Michael Hollingworth
          Disce Ferenda Pati – Learn to endure what must be borne

          P.s. Mhm

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        • I try not to be bitter like most in-betweeners, but I slide sometimes, cuz I’ve been subjected to a lot of condemnation of girls. Which all that serves to do is create enmity between us and our brothers, and even enmity between us and the conservative girls, who have ‘got it all right’, the ‘holier’ ones. Sorry, I need to stop XD

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        • Mhm. That’s what I was saying about the conservatives “looking down” on the in-betweeners. At least, I think I did. Maybe I said the in-betweeners look down on the flaunters, or the conservatives look down on the flaunters, but either way it’s the same thing. It’s ok. =P

          ~Michael Hollingworth
          Disce Ferenda Pati – Learn to endure what must be borne

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  2. I think you took a very good position between the guys and girls. And yes, it was interesting reading about a guy’s perspective on this whole thing.

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  3. Great insight; I’d say I agree with you. My main issue with the whole thing is when people don’t even consider both sides and just blindly blame the girls (which honestly happens way too much). Anyways, it’s nice to see/read a guy’s perspective that was actually thoroughly thought out. *thumbs up*

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    • Yeah. I do my best to always look at both sides of an equation. It’s hard sometimes to be unbiased, that’s why I like to write these long journals which give me the time to think out exactly what I’m saying and see where I’m lacking. Helps too that I started with the girls, because then I was less inclined to give the guys favors. I’m glad you like it. 🙂

      ~Michael Hollingworth
      Disce Ferenda Pati – Learn to endure what must be borne

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a very insightful post! You were spot on describing different kinds of girls and guys. I always find it interesting to see how guys view modesty, so I enjoyed reading this and it gave me a lot to think about. I really liked the advice you gave girls at the end. It’s pretty much how I feel.

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    • Thanks! I’m glad you like my insights and aren’t offended or anything. I always try to be as unbiased as I can, giving both sides of the equation and such, but some people don’t like even the truth. You’ll find that I tend to be quite conservative in terms of my view for modesty, but for different reasons than most. I’m glad it’s been thought-provoking, and that you even made it through the whole thing. =P Thanks for reading! 🙂

      ~Michael Hollingworth
      Disce Ferenda Pati – Learn to endure what must be borne

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