Rant on Love – Fourth Journal Entry

Yes, yes, okay. I succumbed to the cliché too.

Yes, yes, okay. I succumbed to the cliché too.

So, we are now in the “th” journals, fifthsixthseventh, etc. I really should’ve said that I’d do these every Saturday, but then they’d probably come out on Sunday. I’ll have to keep it short and sweet because I need to go to bed soon, but I just had to get my thoughts out on this. Anyway, backstory is that recently I was listening to a teen-help audiobook. Yes, I do listen to teen-help audiobooks (not really, this is a special case). The guy himself has some pretty good points, but he mentioned something that ticked me off. To paraphrase him, he essentially said that life is fickle, and you may love your boyfriend/girlfriend one moment and be breaking up with him/her the next.

Now if you’re not made upset by that statement, perhaps it might be time that I explained my view. For those who have been on my blog a while, yes, I am a Christian, and so that influences my beliefs majorly. Looking around, I feel that the term love is thrown around carelessly and without meaning. Sure I might be referring to how people say they “love this”, or “love that”, but what I’m really talking about is how easily someone says he/she is “in love” etc. You get the idea. Then of course, as the guy in the audiobook said, the next thing they know, they’re in the middle of a messy breakup.

This really upsets me. Love is not something to be treated lightly. And I am specifically talking about “romantic love” here, though love of people in general is also a heavy subject. Even the dictionary has taken love to the point where it is no more than feelings. To quote the New Oxford American Dictionary, love is:

A deep romantic or sexual attraction to someone

No, no, no, no, no. A sexual attraction is NOT love. A sexual attraction is lust. Too harsh? Well, it’s true. Being attracted to someone because of his/her physical appearance or because he/she is flaunting his/her body in a provocative way is absolutely backwards and is no more than lust. To call it attraction would even be a misnomer, let alone love. As for a deep, romantic attraction, please. Life is not a romance. Life is life. Cold, bleak, harsh reality. If you wish to think otherwise, go ahead, but get ready for a wake-up call. Love does not equal attraction, and it is a lot more than just feelings.

What is love then? I’ve ruled out all the options haven’t I? No. In three words, love is predestined. True love, and I am not using this in the cliché manner that is common, is beyond our control. Sure, you can really like people, maybe even have a favorite, but the person that you really love is not something that you can choose. There is no way you can just up and decide that this particular person is the one and that you’re going to hang out, everything is going to work out fine, and you’ll live happily ever after. That doesn’t work.

Love is sprung upon you, from the least expected corner, or maybe you even see it coming. Love is developed and nurtured over time. There is, once and for all, absolutely no such thing as “love at first sight”. It just doesn’t exist. You can’t have a romantic relationship without the bonds of a friendship built on time and camaraderie. The foundation of a strong, loving relationship is a strong, well-developed friendship. Forget the friend-zone. If love is predestined as I believe, there’s nothing you can do to stop it from coming on you even if you tried.

Think about your motives when you eye someone to “check him/her out”. Why in the world are you doing it? Is it because he/she looks good? Love the person, not the body. Don’t rush into a “relationship” without getting to know the person. Trying to know someone while in a romantic relationship (and I use the term romantic for lack of a better word), is like trying to learn how to drive while racing. It does not work that way. You’ll end up crashing and burning, literally. Want to save yourself “painful breakups”? Don’t get into a breakup in the first place. If love is predestined, there’s only one person that you’re going to “fall in love” with.

Tours yruly

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4 thoughts on “Rant on Love – Fourth Journal Entry

  1. Wow. Very good points. “Life is life. Cold, bleak, harsh reality.” That right = truth!

    Now, being a Greek student, I feel compelled to bring Greek into this. I hate the fact that the dictionary gives those two meanings for love. However, in Greek, the language is very good about making important distinctions.

    For example, our word love, is broken into four words: ἀγάπη (agápē), ἔρως (érōs), φιλία (philía), & στοργή (storgē). Then there’s the words ἐπιθυμία (epithumia) for lust and πορνεία (porneia) for fornication. Now that I’ve got all these words out here, ALL of those Greek words could now technically fit into our word for “Love.” However, they all make distinctions. Agápē represents love between brothers, philía represents love between equals or friends, and storgē represents the natural love and affection between parents and children. So, now about érōs (hmm, maybe a little similar to the English word eroticism?), it means sexual love, but even then, it really hits at affection for a person’s beauty, inside and out. It does not solely denote physical attraction.

    So, ALL of this comes down to a big common denominator. What is the one constant in all of these types of love between brothers, friends, family, and spouses? The presence of sacrifice! That’s it! That is what the Greek makes love to be! In those types of relationships, love is synonymous with sacrifice, and while what you said about true love is not incorrect, I believe sacrifice to be at the heart of the matter. In all of those relationships implied by those Greek words, the people who are in those relationships are prompted to sacrifice part of themselves, whether it may be money, time, pride, life, or what have you. Doing for someone what you would not do for yourself, THAT strikes at what true love really is.

    Now, about all these casual hookup/breakup relationships, that is epithumia. Epithumia is the word that is best being described by the Oxford dictionary in that quote. It is lust, and that lust, that epithumia, leads to porneia (hmm, maybe a little similar to the English word pornography?). So, 99% of the time people say, “I love this or that,” replace “love” with epithumia and bingo! You have what people are really trying to say!

    All that to say, good point, and I was just making another point about true love, building on your point.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah. I love your point. The Greek fascinates me. It’s interesting to see all the different connections. If I could feature comments, this one most certainly be featured. Thanks for the insight!

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