J6-Limericks

Journal assignment for creative writing. 🙂

Now, if anyone had asked me before this whether I enjoyed poetry, my answer would probably have been, “Not really, why?” However, my view on poetry has changed since a google search exactly twenty-five seconds ago, where I found out that a limerick is a kind of poetry. I enjoy reading limericks, not only for their humorous content, but because they are sometimes witty, sometimes nonsensical, and it is a challenge for the author to include as much as he can into a short five lines. I have many favorites, in fact, I have compiled a list which I will put at the end of this, but, if I had to choose one, it would probably be this one, just because of its truth, wit, and humor:

The limerick packs laugh anatomical

In space that is quite economical,

But the good ones I’ve seen

So seldom are clean,

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

Just think about that for a moment. In the first place, you must admit that it is quite funny. Then, as you continue to ponder upon it, you realize that it is actually quite witty, and if you have read a fair share of limericks, you will know that this is indeed quite an accurate description for the majority of limericks.

Not only are limericks fun to read and write, but their simplicity is a major attraction for me. It is fast and easy to read and memorize five lines, but so often, I find myself so attracted to them, that I end up reading multiple limericks, and that takes up more time than I had expected to spend. And, as I promised, here is the list I have composed. For some, I have authors, for others, I do not, and some I composed myself, but enjoy. 🙂

The reverend Henry Ward Beecher,

Thought the hen was an elegant creature.

The hen pleased with that,

Laid an egg in his hat,

And thus did the hen reward Beecher.

A report has come in from the Soemba

That their salvoes go off like a Rhumba.

Two guns they sound fine

But the third five point nine,

He am bust and refuse to go boomba.

by Captain Nicholl (Royal Navy)

There once was a young girl named Jill.
Who was scared by the sight of a drill.
She brushed every day
So her dentist would say,
“Your teeth are so perfect; no bill.”

There once was a fellow named Tim,

Whose dad never taught him to swim.

He fell off a dock

And sunk like a rock.

And that was the end of him.

There was an old man from Peru,

Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He awoke in the night

With a terrible fright,

And found out that it was all quite true.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, ‘It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!’

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man with a flute,
A sarpint ran into his boot;
But he played day and night,
Till the sarpint took flight,
And avoided that man with a flute.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man of Vienna,
Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;
When that did not agree,
He took Camomile Tea,
That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
When he’d eaten eighteen,
He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,
Who made a remarkable curtsey;
She twirled round and round,
Till she sunk underground,
Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man with a gong,
Who bumped at it all day long;
But they called out, ‘O law!
You’re a horrid old bore!’
So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man on a hill,
Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
He ran up and down,
In his Grandmother’s gown,
Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair,
And behaved like a bear,
That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, ‘I’m afloat, I’m afloat!’
When they said, ‘No! You ain’t!’
He was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
Who was always polite to all ladies;
But in handing his daughter,
He fell into the water,
Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.

by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man of Quebec,
A beetle ran over his neck;
But he cried, ‘With a needle,
I’ll slay you, O beadle!’
That angry Old Man of Quebec.

by Edward Lear

There was an old man from Denmark,

Who was really afraid of the dark.

He sat in a chair

Scared by the hair,

That had fallen from that man of Denmark.

There was a young dwarf named Odd,

Who could not stand walking on sod.

He stayed in a tree,

And living with bees,

Never on ground did he trod.

I once had a blue-colored printer,

And one day it gave me a splinter,

So I hit it real strongly,

And made it print wrongly,

So I had to get a new colored printer.

There was an enormous spider,

Who lived on green apple cider,

When offered a fly,

It would say goodbye!

And turn back to its green apple cider.

There was a young person from Taiwan,

And the limericks she made were one.

When asked for some more,

She slammed shut her door,

And wished she was back at Taiwan.

We have just received the report,

That their rifles are one foot too short,

So the soldiers will need,

More rifles from Leeds,

Or they’ll have to return to the fort.

Once there was a shelf full of books,

All hanging by numerous hooks,

When one fell off,

Another flew aloft,

And that shelf would be missing two books.

There once was grand rocking chair,

Its cushion was stuffed with hair,

So that when it rocked,

The front door would lock,

And from it would fly clouds of hair.

There were three boys from Germany,

Who knew a small girl named Linney.

They bought her a boat,

And set her afloat,

Never to see her aginny.

There was a hen and some eagles,

Who disliked forty-five beagles.

They devised three plans,

Two of which used fans,

Thus chasing away all the beagles.

There was a fellow named Jim,

Whose brown eyes were so dim,

That he sat on a pin,

And making such a din,

Caused his neighbors to get rid of him.

There was a cat called Zee,

Who loved to climb trees,

It ascended five beeches,

And fell among leeches,

Emerging, clothed with fleas.

Ignore the time and date. :P

Ignore the time and date. 😛

~Michael Hollingworth
Disce Ferenda Pati – Learn to endure what must be borne

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2 thoughts on “J6-Limericks

  1. Hahaha! Michael, your new found enjoyment of poetry is one I’ve never heard from anyone. It’s wonderful that you found a type of poetry that you can really get some humor out of. Limericks are some of my favorite. A friend in my church is from Ireland and when she reads limericks it’s even more hilarious. Especially if there’s a “th” in there. Another amusing type of poetry you might want to look at are hiakus. e.g.
    “Haikus are easy,
    but sometimes they don’t make sense,
    refrigerator.” =]

    Like

    • Okay, thanks, I’ll be sure to look up haikus. 🙂 I’m a bit worried though, that my poem choice may not be considered completely legit…

      ~Michael Hollingworth
      Disce Ferenda Pati – Learn to endure what must be borne

      Like

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